Kids Today 2 August 2001

10:24 AM: No, I don't know why I am awake. And have been since before 7 AM. Though the heartburn isn't helping.

Ruby at Slim's last night. I think I can safely say that I have uniformly seen the worst opening acts at Slim's of any venue in this city. Last night's was typical. I was going to make fun of their name, and then I saw that they had done that for me. It was "Drudg", sweartagod. Total Live 105 skatedood "alternative" band - guys with bad facial hair, loud loud loud, ONEtwothrefourONEtwothreefour, terrible lyrics. The crowd loved them. I didn't know boys still were doing that short pants and chained wallet thing. Very retro. At one point, I was over by the side near the front, and I could see all these baseball-capped heads bobbing up and down in complete unison to the beat. They looked like those little black birds that hang out near the shore. It was to laugh.

And the funny thing was, that's who most people seemed to have to come to see. Half the crowd left after their set and never came back. Which was fine with me - I was able to stand about 6 feet from the stage and not be crowded at all. It's a much better club when there's hardly anyone there. Friendly fellow, ain't I?

Ruby was great. I forget her real name and I'm too lazy to look it up, you can do it yourself if you want to. But she's this funny Welsh girl, big teeth, very unique voice. Her brother was playing a standup bass (well she said he was her brother: "You can tell he's my brother because we're both hairy and smelly and we fart a lot. We get it from my mum."). He was pretty good. It was a little hard to tell, because the only other person was another fellow playing guitar sometimes, a bit of keyboard other times, and mostly running the sequencers and drum machines - your basic band-in-a-box. Distinguishing the live bass lines from the pre-recorded ones was a bit tricky.

But, you know, that was OK. I like the music, it's kind of a dark dance music - not goth, just ... dark. I mean, she has a song called or repeatedly involving the lyric at least, "Old Man's Ass". Which did seem to be about the literal object. It was a fun show - she was a crackup. "Where's the set list? Whose job was it to draw that up? Oh, mine, was it? Oh well, fuck that then. I didn't know, I was in the toilet."

I actually got some work done yesterday, too. Maybe that article was plugging me up. Speaking of old men's asses, where some of us keep our brains.

Today, though, I am awake too early. Fortunately I have milk for tea, and the not-the-right-ones-but-better-than-pointed-sticks biscuits. So I have lots of time to sit here and think about what a wonderful person I am.

10:55 PM: Mmmmm. New Burger Joint is open two blocks away! Cheeborgie. Berry good. But man o man. I could barely finish it. Back to the incredible shrunken stomach again. It gets like I can't catch my breath, but I'm not stuffed up. And I ate yesterday, too! A whole burrito and some chips. My body is a dumb bunny.

Willfully blind self-indulgent nebbish or amusingly quirky old coot? And how bout that local sports team? Discuss among yourselves.

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All names are fake, most places are real, the author is definitely unreliable but it's all in good fun. Yep. © 1998-1999 Lighthouse for the Deaf. All rights reserved and stuff. The motto at the top of the page is a graffito I saw on Brunswick Street in Melbourne.