wanna go HOME now...


8 March 2002

2:47 PM: This should have been a happy, funny entry about how long johns make everything better about life in Poland, and about how I finally ended up getting a ton of money and went to Krakow, which is amazingly beautiful and cool and old and romantic and cobblestoned and a great movie theater and all that.

But I stayed a couple extra days in Poland, so I didn't get home until last Saturday, and I've been disoriented and lazy since then, and now that's all beside the point.

Because yesterday I found out that one of my best friends, Saul, killed himself. Probably a few days ago. His roommate found him Wednesday night.

Saul was funny and snarky and bitter and impossible to get a straight answer from about anything serious or personal. I knew he was having a hard time - he'd been out of work for over a year - but I never had a clue, really. I saw him the day before I left, for Bob's sake! He just seemed ... Saulish. Like always.

This sucks. We're figuring out how to take care of his things, and arranging a wake and maybe a dinner or something non-bar-related, and it's wrong, it's just wrong. He's supposed to go see Rhinoceros with us Sunday, damn it. Everything I'm doing and thinking is far too grownup and old. I don't really believe it. I don't know what I think.

6:04 PM:

Willfully blind self-indulgent nebbish or amusingly quirky old coot? And how bout that local sports team? Discuss among yourselves.

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