wanna go HOME now...

  Warning! Warning

11 January 2001

3:05 PM: Stage 3 Emergency Power Alert!

Remain calm. Stay indoors. Unless you don't have any windows, which is a bad idea anyway. Dress warmly and get plenty of fluids. To cope with the yawning void in your life opened by a lack of computers and television, may we suggest some of the following traditional remedies:

Your State Authority is here to, well, not help you per se, but sort of just be there for you, insofar as that doesn't entail actually having to talk to you or anything.

3:45: I wish people would stop hanging around our neighborhood bars and writing stories about them...

Snack! Today was Pringles, which is OK, but only Two Cans of them! Bloody cheapskates! That's like putting out one donut. Sure, that'll be fine for me, but what will everyone else eat?

7:30 PM: Soup, trail mix, chips, cinnamon twister, corn nuts. Compulsive much? Everything is more interesting than my Official Job. It's dark outside. I don't really have anything to say, I'm just putting off going back to work. Oh well.

10:54 PM: boredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredbored

Someone go be funny now.

Willfully blind self-indulgent nebbish or amusingly quirky old coot? And how bout that local sports team? Discuss among yourselves.

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All names are fake, most places are real, the author is definitely unreliable but it's all in good fun. Yep.
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The motto at the top of the page is a graffito I saw on Brunswick Street in Melbourne.