Al Gore Ate My Dog 1 February 2000

7:17 PM: Bah!

Although I was a little excited to see the headline, "McCain Crushes Bush," but they were just being metaphorical again, dammit.

Snack!® today is new Cheetos ZigZags. They're kind of like those English "cheese fry" snacks - styrofoamy sticks of snackrete in a vaguely steak-fry shape, with lots of processed cheezfood dust. Nothing can match Cheetos that are Fried to a crackly crunch. Why do they bother?

Here's a fun project. Look around your home town, and name one good thing that's the result of new money coming in. I mean, there must be something, right? I was thinking about this the other day, reading about how the Church of St. John Coltrane is getting evicted by nameless RCLFs. I was cursing them, but then thought, I don't usually get bothered by old things going out of style, do I? Like, say, country-rock? Did that bug me when it went out? No. New blood, new ideas, right? So surely, surely all these dickwads in their SUVs and bad clothes and shirts tucked in and bad haircuts and complete lack of taste and original thoughts, surely there must be something good that's a result of their quest for lebensraum.

Beyond how clean everything is, I mean. Anyway, you go think about it, and then let me know.

9ish: Bah!
(I forgot to note the time.)

Hey, did I ever mention the cluetrain manifesto before? I didn't. That's so weird. I know I've seen it, and it's more than a little bit similar to some previous rantings here. I don't know, there's something just so slightly twee about them, or at least about the site. Or maybe my seriousness circuits are damaged from too much irony, I don't know. But they are definitely right about one thing: companies that act like what they are - assemblages of human beings - instead of like what they wish they were - some sort of perfect godbeingthing - aren't companies I want to buy things from or do business with. Problem is, of course, sometimes you have no choice. Or you have a choice but it's an immense pain in the ass.

Maybe what doesn't sit quite right about cluetrain is that they're trying to tell companies to get with the program. I'd rather just run them over. It's such perfect proof of human imperviousness to unwanted reality, by the way, to read the signatures page, and see all the people who think they're getting it, but so clearly demonstrate the whooshing over their heads:

Consultant, PricewaterhouseCoopers - "An interesting insight into the inner workings of corporations large and small. As we move forward into the world of e-business, the customer is transforming the market from one of mass marketing to 'making meaning' -- creating personal relevance. This manifesto understands that in the eyes of the consumer, e-business is really 'Me-Business' -- my time, my place, my price, my way. Savvy organizations that wish to lead in the future should pay attention to this statement -- or be roadkill!"

---

President, Adeste.com Information Markets - "Capitalism promises 'customer sovereignty' -- since we can choose which products we buy, manufacturers are forced to design products which please us. The sad reality is that legions of similar goods are created, and companies spend millions to advertise them in a bid to manufacture demand. Levine, Locke, Searls & Weinberger show us an alternate path, in which improved communications infrastructure allows companies to create products and services which more accurately fit the needs and expectations of their customers. Customers become partners in the design process. If it works, maybe you'll never have to spend 20 minutes on hold ever again."

etc.

Ah hah! They must have stopped accepting signatures. Bastards. But at least I can plausibly claim to not be senile for thinking I'd already been there...

10:10: Bah.

In the era of McCainism, ideology no longer matters. "I'm beginning to understand the war that must occur inside a fourteen-year-old boy who discovers he is more sexually attracted to boys than to girls," Michael Lewis, who voted for Ralph Nader during the last election, wrote in TNR. "The longer I hang around McCain the harder it is to fight the feeling that just maybe I'm ... Republican."

"Oh Michael, everyone's known that for years, silly girl!"

Willfully blind self-indulgent nebbish or amusingly quirky old coot? And how bout that local sports team? Discuss among yourselves.

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