13 May 1999
9:50 PM: Oooh, neat, it's Hell on Earth:"On the season finale of Nash Bridges (10 p.m. Fri., CBS), Nash is accidentally frozen in a time capsule and sent back to 1967, where he enters into a gentleman's bet with Austin Powers over who can shag the most birds in the space of 24 hours. Or not."He could be kidding. Right?
This is going to be a grueling summer in Popcultureland, between Phantom Menace and Austin Powers. I really hated the first Austin Powers movie. I was so indignant about having paid to see it that I snuck into The Lost World to make up for it. Which wasn't the most effective thing to do, I know. "Why, this styrofoam omelette was terrible - I demand a free serving of wax fruit!"
I seem to be utterly alone in this opinion, though. Especially you young people. Yes, certainly, mock the 60s. They're mockable. But you see, the problem here is that once you get past the concept - which is potentially amusing - you realize that Mike Myers's jokes are just stupid and not funny. They're not. Not ha-ha funny, not polite-smile funny. It's like listening to your boss tell you jokes. Bad teeth! They're funny! See! Teeth! Bad! Bad teeth! Get it?? I get it! Haw Haw Haw! Jesus Crispy Cornflakes, enough already. How many times can you beat the same flimsy excuse for a poor gag line into the ground?
Austin Powers could almost make Benny Hill look like high comic art. Almost, I said almost.
Well, another day without anything real to say, as you can tell. Slept later at least. Thank god. Tomorrow I have to go take the written driver's exam again to renew my license, so that I can get a new passport. If I flunk, I'll just get an ID. It's not like I intend to actually drive or anything insane like that.
Willfully blind self-indulgent nebbish or amusingly quirky old coot? And how bout that local sports team? Discuss among yourselves.
All names are fake, most places are real, the author is definitely unreliable but it's all in good fun. Yep.
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