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Re: Re: Bios by JohnnyG on 2003-05-03 20:12:31

Well Kid I must say you have quite the bio there. Wherein lies the fiction only you know the answer but a man born in Huddersfield certainly deserves a reply. Even in a state the size of Texas with towns named "Happy" "Gun Barrel" "Dime Box" "Welfare" and "Simpleton" I doubt we have a Hudderfield. I said I would tell tale of Baptist puritanical sex practices in a town round these parts and thyanks to you kid here goes. In the community of Brownwood and surrounding areas of that township resides a staunchly devout group of hearty Baptists who've seen to it that there be some standards regarding the placement of penises into vaginas. Brownwood's location from my particular domicile is approximately 110 miles as the crow flies and I'm certain that crows are clever enough birds to realize that shotguns outnumber the citizenry and fly a calorie consuming circuitous rout bypassing the city but insuring survival of their kind in central Texas.In Brownwood there's no talk and no standard bout a penis being placed anywhere but the female reproductive canal and they'll have no acquaintance with any master debater who may take the affirmative argument on the "other" pleasurable acts of male/female nonverbal communication or God forbid a same sex coupling of couples. The standard of the Baptist folk from a church that is either named "First Baptist" or "Southern", take your pick, can be summed up as "A married man shall take his wife into a secluded place, preferably the bedroom, and enter the vagina from positions which will aid the procreative process without hindrance from artificial barriers (Any need for my explanation, I hope not anyway). The act will be accomplished with no unnecessary or exaggerated loudness (Which might be construed as lewdness of course) and or exposure to others (ie...shut those damn blinds Leeroy or we'll be spending the rest of the night in the pokey)." Not to long ago there was a report in the leftist Austin Chronicle about this community. Apparently a rebellious teen couple belonging to said church were caught in flagante delicto and brought before the board of ministers. The charge was...gasp....oral sex. The most repugnant thing about the charge to the high & mighty of the morality police was that this was an unmarried couple. The teens having been caught dead to rights pleaded guilty as charged. What was the punishment you ask? The boy & girl had to renew their virginity. They were dunked in water and asked to renounce sex before marriage as a horrific sin. Only supervised visits at the Dairy Queen are now allowed between the 2 reformed perverts until they marry. The Baptist community of Brownwood was overjoyed at the spectacle. So, anybody now thinking about a move to this bastion of puritanical Baptist despotism in the near future?

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