wanna go HOME now...

  Oh, Horsedoodles.

29 November 2000

7:22 PM: Fuck, it finally warms up out in the world and so of course the air conditioning is on full force here at work. It's freezinggggg. Or OK maybe it's just that I haven't eaten in two days. I did have those two slices of pizza ...last night? night before last? But anyway, and and I have Junior Mints today! That's food-like.

Things are really getting me down. They just go on and on, slow-motion disaster. You know the worst thing is what's going to happen, really you do know it, but you linger anyway because maybe... it's not impossible for things to work out in a, well, not a good way strictly speaking but a better way for sure. But at the same time, god, how long can you stand to wait to find out? Is it worth it? Maybe it'd just be better to snap the cord now, take it the way it is and to hell with it. At least it'd bring some certainty into life.

But no. I can't do that. As long as Al needs me, I'll be there...

OK you can stop throwing up now.

Hey, and speaking of long shots, young Penny graced the bar with her presence last night, haven't seen her in a while. Only three and a smidgen weeks of school left, period that's it. So she's middlin wigged about everything, on top of working extra shifts to cover for holidays. It all sounds like more work than I've done in the last decade. But that's what young people are for, right? Ha ha. Ha. Joke, see, it's a... yeah, kay.

11:03 PM: Whoosp, I forgot a title.

Dammit. Now I really need a book, tonight of all nights. Maybe I'll just read Storm of Swords again. I had really elaborate dreams about John Barnes' new book, inventing continually nesting layers of plots for it. Because when the meme controls you, you see, in your mind you're sitting there having a nice chat, but "in reality" (that naive phrase) you're chopping people up with an ax. Some people sort of know how to do both things already, in a metaphorical way. But that self-blindness, that's the hard part. I just hope I haven't spoiled my appetite for the real thing. Er, the book, not people-chopping. Yes.

2:23 AM: Even her pillow is gone. And she left Totoro. Well damn. Welcome to the new millenium, woo hoo me.

Willfully blind self-indulgent nebbish or amusingly quirky old coot? And how bout that local sports team? Discuss among yourselves.

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