wanna go HOME now...

  In Case I Had Any Illusions Otherwise

27 July 1999

5:31 PM: Yahzahba! They're going to move me out from under the refrigerator! God. I can't imagine sitting in here without that constant noise. It'll be like I'd gone deaf. This is totally unexpected. I never think that people pay attention to my complaints. In fact, the lady who arranges these things knew I didn't believe she cared about this, she's been gloating about it. Gloat away, I say! And may I offer you some chocolate-covered peanuts or something?

So there's been at least one positive development today. Oy bologna. Database problems. The worst kind, where I'm not really doing anything. I'm just sitting here watching something run. And run. And run. And then die, and leave everything locked up, so you have to reboot servers out from under people. Then they call and complain, and all I can say is, "Sorry, that's just me being incompetent." Gradually, the circle of people who are completely unable to work gets bigger & bigger as more parts of the system stop working, waiting for this one goddamn process to stop crashing and fucking FINISH ALREADY! Which of course it never does.

Can't remember where, but saw another reference lately to becoming an adult meaning "outgrowing that feeling that one is just faking one's way through life." Well, maybe for you folks. Sometimes it's not just an illusion (cf Congress).

7:59: I had a dream about Mary again this weekend, haven't had one of those in a long time. Nothing very unusual that I remember, just the standard lost chance of a lifetime stuff. So I figured it might be a good time to call her again and come within sight of reality for a little while.

She's certainly not falling into a rut. Last time I talked to her, she was just settling into the house that she had bought a few months before, going crazy about her job and not sure what she was going to do about it, all while trying to take care of three cats and three dogs. So I suppose it's only natural that now she's selling the house, moving back to our home suburban spawning grounds to do some mothersitting and live in the garage, cutting back to part-time telecommuting work she hopes, since they haven't come out and said Yes or No yet, all with the current count of four dogs and four cats. It's very ... undull.

But I think as crazy as it all sounds, she's happier with this chaos than she was with the stable citizen life. Bad enough being a lawyer, but a homeowner too... the poor dear, she must have just snapped.

It was good to talk to her, too. Funny how instantly we fell back into jabberlong conversation mode. It's a little too weird that she's moving back into the house she lived in when I knew her in high school. At least she wasn't living in the garage back then.


Willfully blind self-indulgent nebbish or amusingly quirky old coot? And how bout that local sports team? Discuss among yourselves.

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