And Now You're Even Older 8 July 1999

2:40 PM: Mmmm, coffee spit, it's like pudding. My mystical East Bay veggie friends are always telling me about how the body "knows what it needs." So esplain to me why I still constantly crave milk, even though it's really not too good for my digestion. Could it be that I have issues??? We just did some kind of development cross-promotion deal with Yoo-Hoo. Let's hope it results in some free Snacks...

Speaking of Snack!, I can really enthusiastically recommend ... oh shoot. This is why I was carrying the wrapper around, now that I tossed it I've forgotten the name. They're these marshmallow Rice Krispies treat things that are tarted up as S'mores, with chocolate and graham cracker layers on top. Most excellent. A young acquaintance of mine brought them with her when we went to see South Park and handed one out to everybody. I asked her to marry me right there and then, but she just laughed.

5:11: I didn't realize this before, but Dolphins & Friends ® enables you to eat not only cheezy dolphins, but cheezy whales as well. I don't know about porpoises, I haven't seen any of the snacks attacking any of the others.

As we all know these days, eating a dolphin is just an act of self-defense. So the whales will probably turn out to all be liars and cranks, drunk on krill and boring the crap out of every thing in earshot, which means pretty much the whole ocean. And for years now, every time a Japanese ship has harpooned one, every one else just makes the undersea equivalent of "Thank God! I thought he'd never shut up!"

Willfully blind self-indulgent nebbish or amusingly quirky old coot? And how bout that local sports team? Discuss among yourselves.

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All names are fake, most places are real, the author is definitely unreliable but it's all in good fun. Yep. © 1998-1999 Lighthouse for the Deaf. All rights reserved and stuff. The motto at the top of the page is a graffito I saw on Brunswick Street in Melbourne.