A Terse Weekend 24 May 1999

7:54 PM: Moooooooo, mooooooooooooooo, I saw The Phantom Business Plan this weekend, moooooo. My review: Oy. For this I waited 22 years? Good eye candy movies know not to clutter up the experience with things like plots or stories - see Thin Red Line.

It's like how you know that a Disney animated movie is only ever going to be so good and no more, because there's going to be that singing, and that bad plot, and those sappy main characters? That's what Star Wars is like. Terrible writing, terrible character development, complete wastes of big chunks of time for no particular purpose. But also digitized Rastafarian lizard-frog things being attacked by gigantic deco irons and Electrolux vacuum cleaners.

The best way to see this film would be in a nightclub, especially if you could subtract out the voices & music (more John Williams pure pork sausage) from the soundtrack, but keep the other sounds. Then play it really loud, mixed with some of that electronic music that the kids like these days, on 3 or 4 big big screens above a dance floor, in a big hall with a full bar and flexible smoking policy. I'd go.

So anyway, this was on Saturday, the movie, and we got out around 8 PM. Having little other purpose in life, we ended up at the bar. One by one, over the course of the evening, others would drop off, but I! I remained. For, let's see, 6 hours. Eeevnin offisher, wha-at can I for ya do? Hic.

Let's just say that it was a really, really, really good thing that I didn't have large sums of cash on me by the time I left.

Sunday could therefore be summed up in one word: Ow. I don't know, I was there longer on my birthday, and it didn't seem to be nearly as much of a problem. Probably because no cake this time. Whatever the reason, all notions of leaving the house to see Black Mask or anything else were squished. Fortunately, I had picked up a copy of Cryptonomicon to read while I waited in line for Bar Floors Saturday. So I didn't much feel like going anywhere anyways.

I'm only halfway through, and already I can definitely recommend Cryptonomicon as a great book well worth your reading dollar. And get it in hardcover, too, it's too fat for paperback. I'm not so happy about that bit on the jacket about this being the beginning of an epoch, not if that means there's not going to be an actual ending to this one, but I suppose I'll find out soon enough.

The actual today of Today of Monday here and now, this has not been of much great interest. It's noisy.

9:51: Well now this sucks the big slimy satanic rod:

BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER SEASON FINALE TO BE DELAYED UNTIL LATER IN THE SUMMER

"We apologize to the millions of loyal 'Buffy' viewers who are eagerly anticipating this episode. We sincerely hope that you understand that the last thing we want to do is pre-empt our season finale."

They always tell you that something is the 'last thing' they want to do, right before they do it anyway. Twinkieassed bastards. They've got a complaint line at (818) 977 2987, and an email address at feedback@buffy.com. For all the good it'll do, as in none at all. But it's kind of fun being snarky.

I know, I know, in theory one is supposed to be polite when making complaints about this sort of thing. But that's from back in the old days - you know, before reality began - when anyone in a position to make decisions gave a shit. The main reason to be polite is that the person reading the email or listening to the voice message is just another minimum wage burnout, who's probably as pissed about this pathetic grandstanding as you are. So avoid profanity, and make it clear who you're talking about. Aim at the general and the troops will cheer you on.

Er, not to incite actual violence or anything. With my vast powers of influence here.

Time to change the country's name, I think. How does "MoronLand" sound?

Willfully blind self-indulgent nebbish or amusingly quirky old coot? And how bout that local sports team? Discuss among yourselves.

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