10 February 1999
(i.e., plain, fake, and strangely shaped - only without the salt that make them interesting)
5:26 PM: Why do businesses have closing times on their doors that read like "9:00 AM to 6:00 PM"? Do we need those '00's? If they're going to go to that much trouble, why not say that they'll be open from 9:02 until 6:12, thanks for asking? Or is this a Y1M type solution-in-advance? So that if, say, they some day decide to stay open until 6:30 or 6:45, they only have to repaint two numbers. Darn clever, that. Oh well, never mind.
Speaking of never mind, you probably have already heard about the Evangetubbie vs the Teletubbies, and lots of people have said what ought to be said about it, but they don't call me Captain Obvious for nothing. So just to throw in: worrying about one of the Teletubbies being gay is like criticizing the color scheme of a forest fire. See the Real Problem, Jerry. He hasn't been happy since they threw him out of the Dead, I guess.
6:53: Just when I thought satire had become impossible, I stumble across Feed's Armageddon Week in Review:Washington -- GOP: Impeachment will go onGo read the whole section.
Declaring it a grave and historic event, House and Senate Republicans say the impeachment of President Clinton will proceed despite problems related to the Second Coming of Christ. "We cannot let this moment pass," said Rep. Robert Barr (R. GA) in a speech to the American Gestapo, his recently formed political action group. "For without this city are dogs and sorcerers and whoremongers, and murderers and idolaters and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie. And Bill Clinton is the worst of them all." Moments later, Barr was cast into a lake of fire and brimstone for eternity, where scorpions are expected to invade all his orifices and torment him without end.
11:37: I've been trying to think of something more to say, but it's all the same virtual circles. The world in my head is a fine and intricate thing, but it doesn't survive the translation into bits. Leaving aside the lameness factor for the moment. Anyway, I think I'll just go drink beer instead. Hey, it's a plan.
Willfully blind self-indulgent nebbish or amusingly quirky old coot? And how bout that local sports team? Discuss among yourselves.
All names are fake, most places are real, the author is definitely unreliable but it's all in good fun. Yep.
© 1998-1999 Lighthouse for the Deaf. All rights reserved and stuff.
The motto at the top of the page is a graffito I saw on Brunswick Street in Melbourne.