That Woman, Those Idiots 17 August 1998

I spent the first day of my vacation, Today, traveling among the humans via television. They are so silly!

Which is another way of saying, yes, I watched President Clinton's little talk, along with the hours of yapping before and after. The disproportion was astonishing - he spoke for what, 5 minutes? While CNN and MSNBC and LS4UNI and whatever were going all day long, and they're probably still at it if I dared turn that damned thing back on.

First, his Himness, though. I heard what he said, and it seemed about right, given that he is after all a monumental Big Shot and almost neurologically incapable of saying "Duh, that was fucked up." I was particularly struck by the fact that he flat came out and said that his main motivation was to avoid being embarassed. Seven months and yadayada because he was ashamed. That actually sounded like a human talking. And I liked, because agreed with, the Back Off, Javert part at the end too.

But did you notice those little smacking sounds he was making in between in each thing he said? Very distracting, like watching Sam Ervin's eyebrows do their butterfly dance. (Don't be scared, that's just my tombstone showing there.) You almost never hear that in a prepared political speech, certainly not one from Mr. P. To me, that was the clue. His mouth was dry, or over-moist, or whatever would do that. He was whacked out. I wonder if he even remembers what he said, or if it all went by in a kind of nightmare blur.

OK, now the blahbage. Oh, that reminds me, I saw the best thing today. This dumb little KIA sport futility vehicle with a tire on the back, and written across it - "SPORTAGE". Heh! "Hey, Bill, whatchya gonna do this weekend?" "Oh, I'm gonna pack up the family in the SUV and go do some sportage!"

Huh? Oh, yes, sorry. Anyways. The Media. One word: DUMB! Come on here, people! Every single damn soul you interviewed that wasn't professionally connected with this told you all the same thing, down to almost the same words. "I don't care who he slept with! I don't care who went down on him! Jesus, I don't even want to think about that, it's like imagining your parents having sex! Drop it! Leave me alone! Leave everybody alone, go run the country or something!"

But always the same response: "Ken Babble from our Washington bureau - what's your take on the people we interviewed telling us to blow it our asses?" "Well, John, that's a complex question..." Actual quote: "He stepped up to the line, but I don't think he hit a home run - I think he bunted." Uh, what? Damn univeral translator, always picking up crosstalk. Are baseball announcers out there saying, "The pitcher's subpoenaed him, and he's going to have to testify, but we'll just have to see what happens when he faces the grand jury."

Extremely amusing. Random impressions. The actual lawyers - the defense attorneys and prosecutors - were the most entertaining, because their game has more rules and they're actual players, not parents on the sidelines. Bay Buchanan doesn't exists, it's Pat in drag - it is! I saw the same disguise on Mission: Impossible. Those jowls he has are latex. Well, OK, maybe Pat's Bay in drag. Favorite moment: Alan Dershowitz calling out Jerry Falwell for being a reprehensible nutcase, and the networks as slime for even giving him the time of day. Orrin Hatch looking like his head was going to explode. I'm pretty sure Bernard Shaw is also an alien - now, how do I contact him? And should I?

I remember when I used to watch this stuff continuously. It's good to be reminded now and again why I had to quit. I'll stick to something safe, like smoking.

PS: Sorry, no photos, not yet anyway. I realized that if I went into work to pick up the digital camera, I'd be seized and thrown into a meeting. Gotta go cold turkey. (I know that "Sorry" might be more appropriate after there are pictures. You Make The Call.)

Willfully blind self-indulgent nebbish or amusingly quirky old coot? And how bout that local sports team? Discuss among yourselves.

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