Fool 16 August 1998

Very vivid dream this morning ("morning" being roughly defined as "before i woke up at the point that the sun was still visible"):

I was searching for a mate. At first I thought that I had already married someone, but a period of semi-consciousness convinced me that in fact this hadn't actually happened. Still, though, by the time I had sunk back into the dream, the same group of people returned. So one of the possible candidates was a girl living in Humboldt County in Northern California. In some fashion, I was involved with her family, and that was how our cosmetic relationship had come about. It had been purely for appearance at first, but I found that as time went on, I was strongly drawn to her.

I didn't really believe that anything would come of that, though, so I was still looking around. And somehow, that led to meeting a woman who lived in Russia - I think near St. Petersburg - who had five children. I remember the children specifically because I was surprised at how well I got along with them, not being normally very good with small mammals of any sort.

So I found myself deeply, deeply in love with two women at the same time, on nearly opposite sides of the globe. In the dream, I think I suggested that we might all move to the same location, or that I might split my time between the two. Neither of these suggestions were very acceptable. I really didn't know what to do. I hadn't meant to end up in this predicament, and yet here I was.

The result, as you might predict, was that while they were waiting for me to stop agonizing over my choice and decide who I genuinely wanted to be with, each of the women found someone local who had no such ambiguity in their motives. And in the end, they both ended up telling me that they were going to go off with their local gentlemen, and that they hoped I would figure out what I wanted soon. Neither, of course, knew that a similar scene was being played out in the other location.

And at the end of the dream, I found myself sitting alone in a bar, thinking how really, they were better off.

The worst part - something that's lasted through the whole day - is that in the dream, it wasn't like I was just abstractly watching this story play out. Even now, I distinctly remember the depth and sincerity of feeling love for these never-real women; how much I wanted to be part of their lives. I don't mind having these quasi-soap-opera plots in my dreams, but good god, couldn't I be spared from believing them quite so much?

Otherwise, the Bugs Bunny festival was surprisingly funny, and very very strange. I'm going to be seeing that giant blue rabbit's face coming out of the ribbed red tunnel in nightmares for days. It's a small price to pay.

Willfully blind self-indulgent nebbish or amusingly quirky old coot? And how bout that local sports team? Discuss among yourselves.

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All names are fake, most places are real, the author is definitely unreliable but it's all in good fun. Yep. © 1998-1999 Lighthouse for the Deaf. All rights reserved and stuff. The motto at the top of the page is a graffito I saw on Brunswick Street in Melbourne.