1,2,3,5,8,13,? 6 August 1998

I really shouldn't be surprised. The omens were clear enough.

So I'm leisurely making my way to work, since I knew that there wasn't really much happening today. La la let's get the paper, oh lunch, lunch would be good (well, not good as in food good but good as in lazy good) (the quality of brunch in my neighborhood has plummeted in the last two years, i think this is due to the declining quality of speed that's around) (not that i know that from personal knowledge, mind you, god, right, speed, that would just perfectly complete the picture wouldn't it?) (i'm sorry, was i talking about something? oh yes, i remember), stopping to get a Fast Pass would be smart, walking would be nice. What's the hurry?

Finally get here, walk in, sit down, start up mail program, thirty seconds later, a producer comes over and says "So, did you get my email?" It is visibly still being downloaded on the screen. I make a wild guess that a literal answer to this question is not necessary.

Gosh, this thing that gets done every month, it hasn't been done yet! Everyone is up in arms! What? Oh yes, yes, we know we had no idea what it was a week ago, and we've never paid it any attention even when you talked to us about it, but Now We Know! So jump, froggie! Ribit!

I have offered to go meet with the Lords of Destiny involved here and explain a few things to them. Strangely enough, though, the people I work with, who fit somewhere between me and the Pantheon on the food chain, would rather that I didn't do that. Curious.

Heh. And to think, today I was going to talk about the concerns I have that these entries are starting to be pre-composed in my head. That the spontaneity is gone. May I live in interesting times, mmm?

Whenever I see a beautiful woman, I always wonder what it's like to be a person like that. Does it make that much of a difference? Or is it as discountable as, say, intelligence? In that way that we all can emphasize our faults and sell short our talents. When the qualities are intangible, it seems easy; but I wonder if visibility, clear evidence in the world, matters. Do you just not see what others see when you look in the mirror?

I'm starting to get some sense of this from perusing journals. Part of the problem has always been that what anyone will - can - say to another person is different from what goes on in their head. We filter what we reveal, when faced with the response of an other. I'm getting a sense that those filters don't apply to what people will say in their journals - especially new ones, where the author is not so clearly in contact with an audience. Not that souls are pouring out in raw state, just a different set of filters that reveal different things. Sides of life I couldn't have ever seen before. It's interesting.

And sad, because it looks like the answer is Yes, we're capable of denying just about anything positive, even when the evidence is right in front of our faces. Not that everyone does. Just that some do. No magic answers, guess that shouldn't be a surprise.

Hey, that's number 2 for that line. What should be a surprise? Flowers? Aneurysms? Am I discovering these systems of life or making them?

PS: No more donuts for a while. Instead, raisins. Thought you should know.

Willfully blind self-indulgent nebbish or amusingly quirky old coot? And how bout that local sports team? Discuss among yourselves.

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