wanna go HOME now...

2 Guys 6 Feet


"Do you know where we're going?"


"Oh, all right then. Well, I'm sure we'll end up somewhere."

"I think we're already there."

"Ah. So we are."

"You seem thoughtful."

"Thank you."

"That was meant to prompt you into telling me what you're thoughtful about."

"I know, I know, it's just.... Do you trust me?"

"You? Sure."


"Why. Hmm. Experience over time, I suppose. You're a terrible liar. Besides, look at those ears! How could I not trust someone with ears like that, huh? Huh? Very trustworthy ears."

"Hahahaha ok ok, stop, stop, no wait, actually, could you - just down a bit - ohhhhhhh yes, bless you sir, I nearly broke my neck trying to get to that spot, it's been driving me crazy."

"Glad to be of help."

"So, ears? Really?"

"More than you'd expect. It's not logical. Just is."


"So that's it?"

"Mostly. Somewhat."

"Did you think I didn't trust you?"

"No, I thought you did. I was thinking about whether I trusted you, actually. You were a handy example of how it worked."

"So was that helpful? What did you decide?"

"I decided that it's hard to think about."

"You don't trust me?"

"It's more like, do I? Really? Am I sure? How do I know? It's like a flea on my butt, I just keep going in circles."

"Well what's your first answer? Without thinking about it."

"I'd say I do, sure. I mean, *I* don't know what's in those cans, I just take your word for it that it's edible. It's never occurred to me not to. That seems like trust, doesn't it?"

"Seems to me I'm not the one you're really wondering about."

"Yes. So. Thinking."

"Remember to stop and drink some water now and then."

"So far, not a problem, but thanks for your concern."

"Like I said, glad to be of help."

"You know, not only do I not know where we're going, I don't even know where we are."

"We're right here. Look. Seems pretty straightforward to me."

"Yes, but where is here?"

"It's not there."

"Oh now thank you very much for that, professor. Where are we in relation to where we live?"

"You mean how do we get home from here?"

"That would be helpful to know, yes."

"Walk, probably. We could try to call a cab, but you know how they are."

"Yeah. 'Oh no, fur!' Prejudiced bastards. I don't think it matters, though. I think the last time a cab came around here, it was because the horse was going home."

"Too bad he doesn't still live here."

"I don't think he'd really be up to pulling a taxi anymore."

"He might have grandchildren, though."

"True. Ah well. Those halcyon days of yore."

"They were grand. If stinky."

"You think these days aren't?"

"All right, differently stinky. And fewer flies."

"OK, that I'll give you. Hey, you completely avoided my question, didn't you?"

"Not at all."

"Oh no, not you. Fine. Let's try this. I would like to go home now. Which way?"

"That way."

"You're sure?"

"Absolutely. Trust me!"

"Wonderful. Sometimes I think I should never have started talking to you."

"You think a lot of things. Last night you thought you were a bear."

"This would be an excellent time for a small defenseless rodent to appear. You don't happen to see any, do you?"

"Not right now. I'll keep an eye out for one if you like."

"Thank you. All right, if it's this way, then let's go this way!"

"Hey! Wait up!"

"You keep up! Come on, you talking monkey! Catch me!"

"Oh you're in for it now!"


* with vast apologies to Harlan Ellison